This Person

Grow up

Shape up

Stop acting childish

I GIVE UP!

These are the common rebuttals either you would throw to some one later down the line or either hear them directed at you.

Painful as it may seem, most of the times half of its meaning are true.

There’s a saying the dog that barks the loudest bites less.

Same supposedly goes for those who throw those types of comments.

that if they say

"You’re the immature one"

Its usually the other way around.

But there are sharp times that when you say that to someone, it really means that that some one is the one at the wrong. And its frustrating when they act like

" Ehh??" as if they didn’t know what the did wrong and sometimes they really are oblivious.

Cue in the Middle Man,the person who serves as the referee when the argument becomes too hot to handle. When friends fight, he/she will be that common friend that acts as a medium between the two. often known as the voice of reason. But in my case that I wasnt as lucky.

Rules of Engagement cites that the Middle Man MUST be neutral. To a certain point at least ( case to case basis)

Often he becomes the secret keeper. And if he needs to pass a particularly harsh message to the opposing party, the Middle Mans role would tone it down to avoid further complications if not withheld such information.

Then there’s that rule of "if it’s your mistake go figure it out yourself”.

Middle Men/women often use this line regularly when it comes to the point of the argument in which, they already KNEW of the source of the problems but rather have the ones involve go figure out themselves and not be the deciding factor of the resolve.

Reasons they use are:

1. Its not my fight to finish

2. Im just the middle man

3. Go figure it out yourself if you wanna improve

4. I dont really give a damn

and my most favorite

5. I just love seeing you go around in circles

Now here’s MY story

See I had a nasty, nasty misunderstanding with an acquaintance. I’ll call this person an a acquaintance because its rare now in my character to severe friendships as how "This Person" has pushed me to my limits.

Being younger "This Person" was than me, I heard from our Middle Man friend that "This Person" ooks up to me as some sort of mentor.

I'd be flattered by it by being there’s little in my short life worth appreciating...YET.

Being younger, "This Person" also has had a string of emotional outburst that mimics that of a 5 year old child. Often that needs coaxing in able to get "This Person" to warm up again to anyone. A VERY, VERY tiring process indeed.

Now me being older. I see things outside the box. I will admit I have my own mistakes. Lately being temperamental after the decline of my health and a very strong depression lapse after my mothers death. My mood swings which I often can hide so well would pop out every now and then often in an outburst of anger, clouding my judgments for the moment but non destructive YET to those around me.

When I once cited "This Persons" mistakes...or a mistake some one dear to "This Person" caused, you could imagine the barrage of insensitive phrases thrown at me.

I will admit perhaps somewhere along the line I may had said a touch a sensitive issue that affected "This Person" but automatically "This Person" set up their barrier so high that no logical reasoning and any form of compromise can break through.

It did not end there. After some sound advice from common acquaintances and friends they told me to leave the person be. However giving that me and "This Person" works into such close proximity it was hard to not notice when an antic or two comes up.

The latest was being part of a group effort in which "This Person" took a leave from. It was excusable for the moment. Giving the emotional distress, the drama the other little nitpicks of how sad life was and not being ready. We accepted that. But not everyone did.

As time passed "This Person" Became callous. More than often using the reason for its MIA status to excuse itself from certain responsibilities. While "That Person" on the other limelight of things, basked in the glory of other people's attention.

Not that its bad, but when your teammates are pulling strings to keep their project afloat, then that person becomes the insensitive one. And it was obvious to a few who rather keep mum on the situation.

The showdown commenced later on after "This Person" basically did not care anymore about the project. Threw tantrums after some administrative order was to be settled on a case of that did not involve "This Person" but another common acquaintance.

When asked for support "This Person" would simply say NO, or "I’m busy" or the overrated " Im not ready” excuse.

The line was finaly drawn when "This Person" DEMANDED I reveal a personal secret I have with G-man.

It was a very sensitive and personal secret given the status of friendship me a G have, spanning since 2003. That man (G that is) knows most of my darkest secrets and if there was anyone who could persuade me it would be him. But "This Person" after a polite decline (obviously) gave me the most shocking reaction

" Youve always put me down! You never saw me as a friend or as a person." And stomped off.

It happened so fast I couldn’t barely react.

How can I be mean after I refused to tell this person a secret I have with a friend that does not whatsoever concerns "This Person".

I tried to stay silent with the whole issue. Until hell came falling down on me on a Saturday weekend.

After a traumatic incident involving a encounter with a gang fight ( possible ballistics involved) and obviously in my opinion some media cover-up ( I wont disclose the location for this) I was left shaken up and was seriously considering some time off and counseling.

I opened up my email and low and behold, InRO merged with Ragnaboards. The forums cracked up to 2000 Online subscribers with very little mods to assist me.

There were other IRL issues need not mention too.

So when asked "This Person"to help out since now WE ALL GOT BIGGER problems, "This Person" has now evolved into a selfish child who was spoiled by the sunlight of attention, coaxing and having his/her way done in the months that I and maybe some other people put up with.

Just to make "This Person" happy.

The Pandora’s box was now open. I tried to nicely again explain my side, plus some add complaints Ive receive from others. That person does not care.

" Im simply not motivated" was the usual cold and nonchalant response. Giving the pity me puppy eyes. In my imagination a smug grin as "This Person" do as they pleased.

Then comes in Middle Man. After a long 4 hour conversation with him. I told him I was at my brink.

He later then told me in a LONG RIDDLE type explanation that he already knew the reason why "This Person" acts the way it does.

WHAT??!!. I begged Middle Man, a supposedly close friend of mine to tell me. I wrecked my brains trying to figure out, what was it soo cruel that i did that "This Person" became the person it became now.

Middle Man declined any support

" Figure it out yourself" he says.

Then after some coaxing he game me some Marshmallow tests. I was pissed, and tired. It was 2 am in the morning. And he opted to do more mind games and puzzles.

He had the answer. We could end the issue that evening. It was terribly frustrating that I was so close to ending this yet someone decides to play GOD infront of me

But I assume Middle man has subconsciously chosen his side. Not that Im asking his. However, after him playing with my emotions long enough.

Withholding from me pertinent information that involved me. And The Lies that "This Person" also has been apparently been spreading making me look like the fool. The big bad fox.

In the end he. Mr. Middle man, stood his ground. He knew I was really exhausted about the issue. It’s affecting us as a team. But in the end he would rather see me see me complicate, stumble and make more mistakes when he could have at least assisted in helping me end the long wary fight.

Basically from how he seems to say, he wants me to bend to "That Person’s" will. Be submissive even to "That Person’s" mistakes. He admits "That Person" has mistakes but just let it go, he suggested and yeah " go figure out what you did"

NO. I wont turn my back on the issue yet. Not this way at least.

You see. Right now……

I am VERY VERY UPSET

It wouldn’t be fair anymore. Not for me who once genuinely cared for "That Person" only to be used the way I was used. If I had my mistakes I would apologize to them but don’t create a scenario of lies and make yourself like some vulnerable child to grant sympathy. You will lose more friends that way.

Backstabbers are sisters of Traitors in my eyes.

For now I’m letting my temper reside as I write this.

But there’s a line so gravely drawn already, I pity the situation. I pity you...I know you wont read this. But may the fates help once you reap what you sow.

Ballroom Dancing

Ballroom Dancing 101

Today was my first try in years on a real ballroom dancing class. This is not your normal PE ballroom dancing. This is Dancing with the Stars extreme crash course style dancing.

I was invited by my friend Terri who introduced me to her dancing class as her older sister.

I was thinking the class would be filled with middle aged men and women but to my surprise. 2 HOT Cubans, 3 CUTE pinoys and other men I dont who what their nationalities are; were leading the warm up dance floor with the Cha~cha and Tango. Terri started off the class with a Polynesian performance, she was one of the star students and her colleagues were expecting that I as her " sister" should come to par as her....which Im not. I cant dance nor can I sing. I however can cook!

To add, I was quite intimidated by some of the female student. Long legged, bouncy and beautiful. It was like the prom night I feared where’d I be left on the bleachers with no one to dance with.

I haven’t danced in a long while even though I did get a good score on my Ballroom PE... then again we had folk dances too and some were no brainers. The class was more focused on graceful competition type performances so technicality in the routines are a must.

Bottom line, I suck at professional dancing. Though my outfit fitted the occasion. I was wearing a purple Greek style dress, and some 3 inch sandals that looked like and perhaps were dancing shoes that I bought for P700.00 on a good sale. The other women were decked with professional dancing tapshoes, leggings and flowing skirts. However a few commented that my dress flowed gracefully on me even though when I was asked to do the line dance I tripped and fell and stepped on one of the professionals foot.

I sulked by sitting on the benches for a while. I was watching the cute Goefrey Eigelman look alike dancing all the cute 20 something year olds, giggling and smiling. I watched their foot work. I realized that Dancing with the Stars.

I felt a strangers hand tugged me. One of the class veterans asked me like a prom style way to dance with him. We did the salsa. I was bad at it but he tried patiently to guide me to the steps. Then I sat, another man asked me to dance. It was the waltz. He was more easier to understand than the first. Though he twirled me wayyyyy to much.

Then the Cha~cha. That I can do It was the very first dance my own mother taught me when I was 5. I got the basic foot work right. Much to the surprise of those around me since I tripped and fell. then the instructor changed the song midway to salsa. My partner being adventurous as he was asked me to relax, put my chin up and just let the music flow. He later then engaged me on a conversation about our personal professions. I totally forgot he was already twirling me and turning me. It felt great. I realized I was too tense at first that I didn’t allow my body to soften up to the movements. Then he did a chirography that made my body just decided to move on its own.

You see Salsa and Mambo are fast dances. In Salsa your hips should be twisting in a 45mph speed and your foot work should be quick as you twist.

He took a turn and my body automatically took 8 quick twists as he turned me, to my own shock and to my friend Terri who saw me do a PERFECT salsa twist after I just humiliated myself earlier in class. My partner complimented me by asking " Are you sure you’ve never ballr0om danced before?"

We did a group waltz similar to a cotillion dance on a debut. I got to dance with the Geoffrey Eigelmann look a like during the change partner routine. But my last partner was this Brazilian/ Cuban foreigner named Carlos. Who turned me gracefully on our waltz. Then dragged me back to the dance floor to dance do a Mambo. He was an obvious flirt. But who cares. HE WAS HOT.

Would I ever try the class again? Perhaps in the future. My soles now are aching and my belly has a cramp coming down after that really fast salsa move I did.

But after many years of wanting to know the feeling of being FORMALLY asked out to dance. It felt good and it was a nice experience. It was a fun and even fleeting romantic feeling. Salsa gave me the dance of confidence while the waltz made me feel very feminine and cherished.

Plus it burns calories too.