This Person

Grow up

Shape up

Stop acting childish

I GIVE UP!

These are the common rebuttals either you would throw to some one later down the line or either hear them directed at you.

Painful as it may seem, most of the times half of its meaning are true.

There’s a saying the dog that barks the loudest bites less.

Same supposedly goes for those who throw those types of comments.

that if they say

"You’re the immature one"

Its usually the other way around.

But there are sharp times that when you say that to someone, it really means that that some one is the one at the wrong. And its frustrating when they act like

" Ehh??" as if they didn’t know what the did wrong and sometimes they really are oblivious.

Cue in the Middle Man,the person who serves as the referee when the argument becomes too hot to handle. When friends fight, he/she will be that common friend that acts as a medium between the two. often known as the voice of reason. But in my case that I wasnt as lucky.

Rules of Engagement cites that the Middle Man MUST be neutral. To a certain point at least ( case to case basis)

Often he becomes the secret keeper. And if he needs to pass a particularly harsh message to the opposing party, the Middle Mans role would tone it down to avoid further complications if not withheld such information.

Then there’s that rule of "if it’s your mistake go figure it out yourself”.

Middle Men/women often use this line regularly when it comes to the point of the argument in which, they already KNEW of the source of the problems but rather have the ones involve go figure out themselves and not be the deciding factor of the resolve.

Reasons they use are:

1. Its not my fight to finish

2. Im just the middle man

3. Go figure it out yourself if you wanna improve

4. I dont really give a damn

and my most favorite

5. I just love seeing you go around in circles

Now here’s MY story

See I had a nasty, nasty misunderstanding with an acquaintance. I’ll call this person an a acquaintance because its rare now in my character to severe friendships as how "This Person" has pushed me to my limits.

Being younger "This Person" was than me, I heard from our Middle Man friend that "This Person" ooks up to me as some sort of mentor.

I'd be flattered by it by being there’s little in my short life worth appreciating...YET.

Being younger, "This Person" also has had a string of emotional outburst that mimics that of a 5 year old child. Often that needs coaxing in able to get "This Person" to warm up again to anyone. A VERY, VERY tiring process indeed.

Now me being older. I see things outside the box. I will admit I have my own mistakes. Lately being temperamental after the decline of my health and a very strong depression lapse after my mothers death. My mood swings which I often can hide so well would pop out every now and then often in an outburst of anger, clouding my judgments for the moment but non destructive YET to those around me.

When I once cited "This Persons" mistakes...or a mistake some one dear to "This Person" caused, you could imagine the barrage of insensitive phrases thrown at me.

I will admit perhaps somewhere along the line I may had said a touch a sensitive issue that affected "This Person" but automatically "This Person" set up their barrier so high that no logical reasoning and any form of compromise can break through.

It did not end there. After some sound advice from common acquaintances and friends they told me to leave the person be. However giving that me and "This Person" works into such close proximity it was hard to not notice when an antic or two comes up.

The latest was being part of a group effort in which "This Person" took a leave from. It was excusable for the moment. Giving the emotional distress, the drama the other little nitpicks of how sad life was and not being ready. We accepted that. But not everyone did.

As time passed "This Person" Became callous. More than often using the reason for its MIA status to excuse itself from certain responsibilities. While "That Person" on the other limelight of things, basked in the glory of other people's attention.

Not that its bad, but when your teammates are pulling strings to keep their project afloat, then that person becomes the insensitive one. And it was obvious to a few who rather keep mum on the situation.

The showdown commenced later on after "This Person" basically did not care anymore about the project. Threw tantrums after some administrative order was to be settled on a case of that did not involve "This Person" but another common acquaintance.

When asked for support "This Person" would simply say NO, or "I’m busy" or the overrated " Im not ready” excuse.

The line was finaly drawn when "This Person" DEMANDED I reveal a personal secret I have with G-man.

It was a very sensitive and personal secret given the status of friendship me a G have, spanning since 2003. That man (G that is) knows most of my darkest secrets and if there was anyone who could persuade me it would be him. But "This Person" after a polite decline (obviously) gave me the most shocking reaction

" Youve always put me down! You never saw me as a friend or as a person." And stomped off.

It happened so fast I couldn’t barely react.

How can I be mean after I refused to tell this person a secret I have with a friend that does not whatsoever concerns "This Person".

I tried to stay silent with the whole issue. Until hell came falling down on me on a Saturday weekend.

After a traumatic incident involving a encounter with a gang fight ( possible ballistics involved) and obviously in my opinion some media cover-up ( I wont disclose the location for this) I was left shaken up and was seriously considering some time off and counseling.

I opened up my email and low and behold, InRO merged with Ragnaboards. The forums cracked up to 2000 Online subscribers with very little mods to assist me.

There were other IRL issues need not mention too.

So when asked "This Person"to help out since now WE ALL GOT BIGGER problems, "This Person" has now evolved into a selfish child who was spoiled by the sunlight of attention, coaxing and having his/her way done in the months that I and maybe some other people put up with.

Just to make "This Person" happy.

The Pandora’s box was now open. I tried to nicely again explain my side, plus some add complaints Ive receive from others. That person does not care.

" Im simply not motivated" was the usual cold and nonchalant response. Giving the pity me puppy eyes. In my imagination a smug grin as "This Person" do as they pleased.

Then comes in Middle Man. After a long 4 hour conversation with him. I told him I was at my brink.

He later then told me in a LONG RIDDLE type explanation that he already knew the reason why "This Person" acts the way it does.

WHAT??!!. I begged Middle Man, a supposedly close friend of mine to tell me. I wrecked my brains trying to figure out, what was it soo cruel that i did that "This Person" became the person it became now.

Middle Man declined any support

" Figure it out yourself" he says.

Then after some coaxing he game me some Marshmallow tests. I was pissed, and tired. It was 2 am in the morning. And he opted to do more mind games and puzzles.

He had the answer. We could end the issue that evening. It was terribly frustrating that I was so close to ending this yet someone decides to play GOD infront of me

But I assume Middle man has subconsciously chosen his side. Not that Im asking his. However, after him playing with my emotions long enough.

Withholding from me pertinent information that involved me. And The Lies that "This Person" also has been apparently been spreading making me look like the fool. The big bad fox.

In the end he. Mr. Middle man, stood his ground. He knew I was really exhausted about the issue. It’s affecting us as a team. But in the end he would rather see me see me complicate, stumble and make more mistakes when he could have at least assisted in helping me end the long wary fight.

Basically from how he seems to say, he wants me to bend to "That Person’s" will. Be submissive even to "That Person’s" mistakes. He admits "That Person" has mistakes but just let it go, he suggested and yeah " go figure out what you did"

NO. I wont turn my back on the issue yet. Not this way at least.

You see. Right now……

I am VERY VERY UPSET

It wouldn’t be fair anymore. Not for me who once genuinely cared for "That Person" only to be used the way I was used. If I had my mistakes I would apologize to them but don’t create a scenario of lies and make yourself like some vulnerable child to grant sympathy. You will lose more friends that way.

Backstabbers are sisters of Traitors in my eyes.

For now I’m letting my temper reside as I write this.

But there’s a line so gravely drawn already, I pity the situation. I pity you...I know you wont read this. But may the fates help once you reap what you sow.

Kids These Days

Kids these days

Im at a particular time of my life that I can still understand what it is to be young and the same time take a step back and understand why adults treat the younger generation they way they do

Being strict, somewhat un-understandable and downright baduy because of how they run things with authority.

I always say that I have my personal outlook on my morals, just because of my depressive yet in a way straight laced upbringing...that coming from a very orthodox type family. Bad as my personal experiences may be I think I'm wiser and more planted to the ground becuase of those experiences.

Besides the point.

I have traveled the most of the world due to my work and I always told them especially the Pinoy Immigrants that when the day comes I have a family of my own Id rather raise them the Filipino way in the Philippines so that they can keep that sense of respect and love of Brotherhood and humility that I pride in.

Despite of course most of the American- Pinoys protest that “ FOBs” ( fresh out of the boat=Philippines) or Phil-educated people are uneducated ( even if we graduated in UP or Ateneo) and other racialistic throwbacks they can throw at me.

Nowadays I rather think to differ on my goals, not because of what those Amerinoy wannabes tell me but because of what I am witnessing of what the newer generation of Philippine kids have become.

Maybe it’s the price of our country's modernization. And families going with the flow of being broken up, and kids giving in to liberation thinking that acting arrogant and know it all is cool.

I would be guilty if I didn’t say I never went to that rebellious phase as a pre-teen but now being older and taking care of my younger family members plus my work in both Level Up and Sony gave me a broader view oh how kids have no blatant respect to authority and often use the freedom of speech or family reputation as threats

Ohh yes I got my death threats from 17 years olds.

Women are the worse gaining an attitude worse than that of a Mad Black Woman. Very unlady like.

Ragnaboards has been a hotspot for the new younger generation who carry that love hate relationship with both the Game and LUG.

However the forumers attitudes as of late has given me rising concern what have their parents been feeding them for them to talk like some Italian Mafia that can kill you and your family ( in some cases they actually get the guts to hurt some one)

Here’s a lowdown on some stuff I got

1. A Girl poster ( given she is a girl) told me to unban some one (just because she says so) and when I said I cant do that because of the severity of that person’s offense; she basically gave me sarcastic comments about my mod-style, life style and what nots.

2. Another girl ( given shes girl) Degraded my educational status too, ohh then I realized she made a post that she would never follow the rules, regardless; after her account was banned for derogatory language.

3. A prominent RB-er who has some run in bith with the game and questionable offenses that I have no hold off, has promised me PERSONALLY that he would cease his trashtalking in the boards. When he was scantioned not too long after our talk he sent me a VERY BEAUTIFUL email/pm trashtalking me. Worse this person has sent out threats and later on his enemies presented him with “ I will hurt you when I see you on World Trade Center” message that basically is getting ridiculously out of hand

4. Another person warned me to look out for my job after I warned a certain thread to stop trash talking.

5. A moderator’s mother was insulted after that forumer too was sanctioned. That Moderators mother has passed away already

Some people know they way I work. I don’t do favoritisms and rather I reply better in PM because I never believe airing out disputes in public would resolve anything. But now I just realized, that I am not battling isolated children who have just attitude problems.

I’m against a generation who believes acting the way they do is the right and easy way.

This dawned on me after I received a voicemail from my nephews History and English teacher that my nephew has been picking fights with his teachers ( females) and has been threatening even the girls at his school ( who’s brothers are members of Frats that can hurt him if he’s not careful)

And when asked why he does it, he’s reasoning was 1. Everyones doing it 2. He was just being cool

My nephew is only 15 years old. His older brother an avid RO player, was hunted down not too long ago in school by a syndicate gang after he double crossed some one on illegal trading in pRO. This cost his brother 1 year out of school and traumatized. Even that didn’t fazed him.

I know my uncle and aunt. They tried their best giving him the best education and everything but sometimes you just ask when did the Apple just go bad?