My Mothers Passing

A lot has happened in the past few weeks and for those who knew me and especially to my workmates in Ragnaboards that has been with me throughout the ordeal I have been through, this is now the toughest and hardest hurdle that came to my family’s life

November 18 me and my Dad got a call long distance that my mom had a stroke and was rushed to the Paranaque Medical center.

However the doctors refused to do any major operation to my mom unless there was a next of kin to decide.

My cousin and some friends of my mom in church then moved my mom to Makati Med. At this time they got a hold of me and handed me to the doctor who gave me the option of having my mom operated to remove a Cerebral Hemorrhage that was caused by her stroke. Her chances of survival was below 50% at that point.

I told the doctor with the last bit of emotional strength to make her survive just until me and my dad could fly over ( we were abroad)

After wards after the stress I passed out due to the fact I too have a very weak body and could not take massive amounts of emotional stress.

My dad was able to fly first. The next day I was there. And one the very first day as well my friends Nicole and Rue of Ragnaboards were the first one to be with me at the Hospital

I barely could contain myself when I saw my mom. She had tubes all over. The good news she survived the operation, bad news was that she was still in critical condition

Plus Makati Med decided not to accept our medical insurance due to some bad history it had with the insurance company nearly 4 years ago. Our bill were raking up as each day passed by.

The hard part was that my mom in her time she was comatose she did not woke up. But she did move and she seems to shed tears when she hears voices of friends and family. The only time I knew she was aware I was there when I asked her to move her lips upon me touching it was that she did.

On those time my friends from RB, the Moderators. The full cast of Goenitz, Delicious Cake, Rue, Strawberry Milkshake and Kamesh were there nearly everyday seeing me.

According to Rue in the 8 days they came to see me and my mom they rarely saw me eat, which was true. I barely ate after I saw my mom suffer the way she did.

The reality was because I harbored guilty feelings in the sense me and my mom never got along, she had begged me to come home numerous times but since we argued to much I decided to ignore her plea and even lessened my calls to her.

Any chance I got in the ICU I would cry to her to wake up so I could ask for her forgiveness, begging her to open her eyes. On lighter afternoons I had my Ipod at my moms ear, letting her listen to Philippine Madrigal Singers in hopes the songs will slowly awaken her.

She showed some progress and the doctors even said that she may soon wake up, she was moving, she even had a personality of her blood pressure going up when me and relatives talked about something she disliked.

Sen. Rene Saguisag was 2 doors down from us and on happier hours wed muss over the celebrities that visited him. But according to the nurses my mother far of all had more visitors than the famed politician. At one point there was a line of visitors that waited turns to see my mom.

We truly believed she would recover. However Nov 25 at night, I was in my room when me and our househelp felt as if some one was walkin the hallways of our house, knocking on doors and tried to open mine.

I realized what it was when I returned to the hospital the next morning, my mother had a relapse, there was a rebleeding and she did not move anymore. She was now fully dependent on life support. Come Monday the 26^th she was declared brain dead.

The doctors suggested to my father to now cut off the life support but even to my moms family wishes he refused. You see my dad spent 40 wonderful years with her, he loved her very much and refused to give up.

My mother Virginia Bonilla a former actress and loving wife and sometimes a complicated mother, passed away Nov 27.

I did not cry when she died. I was too shocked. I watched her die as each of her bodily functions failed. When we got the call from the car, I was up to my feet rushing around the house calling family, friends and picking out her dress, makeup.

I could not cry. I didn’t want to

My ex Fiancée arrived and was my stronghold on that day along with Anna. Dobie and Lumox were also supportive from afar.

My father decided to hold the funeral for 3 days. He takes the guilt worse for he feels if he was there my mom would have still been with us. He partially blames me as well though he may not speak it. The days my mom was in her burol me and my dad felt very estrange.

It broke my heart.

My friends again from RB were there and on the last day of the burol, lo and behold after a few friends from LUG made a last min change they weren’t able to attend I had a unexpected guests Egames came to my moms funeral. We had a long discussion too about some confidential matters between Level Up and Egames ( business wars)

But I had to say the Moderators pulled through so much to be there nearly everyday.

Then my mom’s church friends were there everyday. The funny part on this ordeal was each day my mom had a new hairstyle, she had a front operation at her head, so she need a veil to cover it. But since some people disagreed on the style I often see my mom with a hat, veil, no veil or whatever head design my mom friends and sisters decided ( or war on) And they even told me to make sure my mom didn’t wear shoes so that we wont have any “ dalaw”

The total guest we had were around 500. At my moms funeral my dad hired a videographer to take professional shots, however the guy was wrong timing and insensitive to ask us to pose.

At that point I wanted to grab a chair and swing it at him.

Then when it came to my turn to say farewell to my mom, though before I used to think it was stupid to hug the casket as seen on TV, I was overwhelmed with emotions.

I miss my mom. So yes I bawled. I bawled since I haven’t cried yet for 4 days. But my moms family was too traditional on “ wag luluha sa kabaong ni mama” that took 4 people to hold me down, there were making sure not a drop of my tear fall at my mom’s casket.

After the funeral my dad would always visit my mom with me. I decided to return to work to help out with the finances. However It was still hard to watch my dad wither away, he'd cry out of the blue while I would cry myself to sleep. I only pray my mom could hear how much I miss her, how she massages my head when I have a fever. I even miss her scolding me. I wish my words of love can reach her in heaven

But I also learned through this ordeal how much you would appreciate and love some one until you lose them.

Regardless of the difference you may have with that person.

I discovered too, how many people my mother has touched, how many have loved and respected her.

As I also found out who my real friends are. And some who are not…

And I want to thank them. I had friends from HS that were there, friends from AB Com 4-3, The Ragnaboards Team, Level Up, Tita Josie, Tita Merlin, INC, our pastors, Dobie, Lumox and even my friends since I was just a child that came from afar. Relatives, cousins and sisters

Thank you all

Moving on from this point will be hard. Words cannot describe both the pain and gratitude I have for now… But thank you.