Leaving on a Jet Plane

Ive decided to resign as mod.

The plan came up after I had some sort of epiphany sometime in December. After my mom had passed away, I really really changed. Sad to say for the worst.

Being an only daughter and my step sibling so far away from me, I had a hard time coping with her death. Miserably. Then the pressure at my former work got to me. When my last company had financial problems, they had no choice but to lay people off. I was part of the list, regardless of my bosses objection. The dept needed me, but our budget could not afford me. Along with 30 more of our staff. I have to crunch the major financial troubles I knew I will be having

My mood soured a lot. Eventually my friend noticed how I would avoid meeting up with them. I lost motivation a lot. And being alone doesn’t really make it easy. even with the person i cared the most, I would pick fights with him, I could not help it nor neither wanted the me state I was in.

Im not trying to be emo. When I say alone. It means after my moms death I had to return to a house miles away from family, travel the world alone and try to go on with life. No friends to speak to, cook food by myself, LITERALLY LIVE ALONE. I hated the weekends sometimes, I had to stay indoors and do laundry and iron. My only other living companion, a cat.

No step brother ( where ever the hell he is) to support me, and all my friends were caught up with married life to even bother to comfort me. Ohh and there was that one old classmate I have who really, really gets TOOOO defensive in any criticism so basically were not in speaking terms until she Grows Up ( I pity your Husband sometimes too)

I did had one friend in the immediate area but she had BF problems like crazy and she picks fights as a hobby ( like I wanna beat up up type) so I try to stay away from her when she feels feisty. She also has a nasty tendency in trying to fight my battles unfortunately her tactics are often wrong. Involving cigarettes, anything that has to do with a cellphone, blog, email or sending herself or some one else in jail. NO THANK YOU I need not anymore drama

I tried to use my modding in RB as my sanctuary, but since my personality has changed a tune. I was close minded. Very, very hurt and always angry. You see, I blame myself for my mothers death.

But Murphys law was on my side. Everything was going wrong. Goenitz had to go away. Half our mods were on leave and I struggled to manage MP team and RB on my own from early February-April. In the end I asked LU to hire new mods. And on time, finally.

However my relationship with my own mod team soured. It’s a long story to state I'll post an update on this issue on another time

The only person who seemed to care was Goenitz.

Yeah G.

I finally decided to tell him. I have to resign. I cant do it anymore. If I stayed any longer in RB I’ll end up doing something I’ll regret. he's not to happy about it. But I told him he still has me.

RB already had its shares of horror stories about mods. I don’t need to add mine to the cauldron. I told G last. I told Rue ( aka Mod Megaman ) first. He said no.

I explained to him. I was time. Ive been with LU since 2003. My own older peers has moved on. Maybe I should to. Rue was very, very insistent that I should not leave. Though there were a few mods that In my heart would want me to leave, I wasn’t born yesterday…I had antennas for that type of unwelcome reception. Then there was that incident with Level Up IT, it’s a personal issue. They were just a messenger that told me something I need not know. My GM friend confirmed the news to me. That killed my week.

To add insult to injury, I got involved in a shoot out. Yes GUNS. It was definitely covered up by the media. That was traumatizing enough. My social skills hit a new low. I need healing I keep telling myself, else I’ll explode. Speaking of healing, my health has failed me too. My asthma has taken a bad turn on weekends. Plus there’s that other disease I have….yah the life threatening one. Again Im not being emo, Im just a magnet of bad luck.

It doesnt also help when you live in a world where everone becomes greedy selfish. Not the Greedy for money selfish. Just plain RUDE selfish " I dont Care if you die, BITCH because Im better than you" selfish. I wonder sometimes if their parents dropped them as a baby that they grew up that way?

The original talk I had with G was if I ever resign it was to state our marriage. But I had to leave the modship early. Sometime in July. Im waiting for K to help finish my final project in RB ( Dong Feng will have a field day with this one).

Don’t get me wrong. I love Ragnaboards. I Love my time in LUG. I would never have wanted to leave. Life just caught up, along with its spikes and sarcastic humor. I need a good break. Even when people said LU was this and that, I always, always look at the other cheek. I knew that CS were great people who try to work as hard as they could. I should know. I was once one of them. And that the LU managers are not as harsh as some claim them to be. Even the ones I don’t like. Same in mod team.

But the circumstances have now changed, Sad to say.

Ill be updating this topic as the weeks go by. Maybe my flight to the US will do me some good.